Eh, le maestre dell'asilohnnnggggggg [Cesarino cum here]

una delle cose più belle che abbia mai letto :rotfl: in b4 wot hurrdurr


I have a story to tell. I met a kindergarten teacher on Tinder. We hit it off and text. But she lives an hour and a half across town so she asks if I want to meet up in her part of town that weekend for a movie and signs off the conversation with a sexy titpic. GOD BLESS TEACHERS. I am SO getting laid.

As the weekend approaches things get more sexual and I ask if she has any fantasies she has ever wanted to try. She tells me she has always wanted to fuck in a movie theater. Well seeing as we already have a movie date planned I tell her I am down for anything. She responds with another nude. pussypic. KINKY. This is going to be fucking awesome.
The weekend arrives and I road-trip across town guzzling BAJA BLAST and jamming pump-up tunes fighting shitty traffic. Nothing gets me down because this is going to be legendary. I meet up with her at the mall and she does a slow crawl drive ensuring I'm not catfishing her and I am not a psycho. Passed her test and climb into her SUV. She is decked to the nines in slutty heels, a skirt and leggings and deep cleavage top. SHE WANTS IT. She lays out the plan for me. She has the perfect theater in mind the town over where no one will recognize her in the off chance things go south.
We get to the theater in Bum-fuck no where; not my part of town. I am in unknown territory. She says she picked this theater because its hardly ever crowded and always really dark. So we shouldn't have any problems fooling around incognito. Little does she know when we arrive the theater has turned into a fucking Megaplex in the 5 years since she was last there: Imax screens, boutique ice cream stand inside and another 2 floors added. And PACKED. Bum-fuck no where likes its movies. We go up to buy tickets at the box office. She is panicking. I think fast and run the list of movies through my head that are playing. What would have very few people, was showing ASAP and give us the best chance to mess around without getting caught. RIO 2? No. Dick flashing children is bad. NOAH? Too biblical. What's left? BRICK MANSIONS. Luc Besson flick hollywoodized. B/C grade action movie no one has heard of starring PAUL WALKER. Perfect. She buys the tickets, gives me a wink and we head to the theater.
We get inside and head to the second to last row and sit in the first two seats. 6 other couples in the theater. All in the bottom rows except 2 bros on the far side of the theater in our row. 10 minutes to show time. WE GOT THIS. Time crawls as we anxiously glare at every couple entering. 2 more. climbing up row after row enter 2 below us. We breathe a sigh of relief. She reaches down and grabs my crotch. I look over and she gives me a shifty grin and a wink. IT'S ON. The lights dim and the previews start to roll. 2 more people enter and start walking up to us. FUCK FUCK FUCK staccatos through my head as Optimus Prime blows shit up on screen. The couple hooks a quick left and sits down. PERFECT. We quickly get up and move to the back of the last row in the theater and in from the aisle stairs so we are alone in the very back of the theater. Coffin Corner. She leans in and whispers: "this is making me so WET. See?" She grabs my hand and puts it down the front of her leggings. FUCKING SOAKED. I am ROCK hard. She kisses me hard on the mouth as MARK WAHLBERG flexes underneath an American Flag.
Its only semi dark in the theater at this point, but she says she cant wait. She is eyeing my bulge with intent to thrill. I whip off my belt like INDIANA JONES and silently thank MICHAEL BAY that the entire preview is explosions. Unzip my fly and she grabs my cock before I can even fully get my pants down. Like LONDON BRIDGE falling down she gulps my cock before I fully clear my briefs. And she starts going HAM on my dick. I am leaning back surveying my kingdom and fully surreal that I am getting domed in the back of a movie theater. Midday. Half light. And she doesn't give a fuck. AWESOME. She comes up for air and says: "I am gushing. This is SO FUCKING HOT!" I nod and grin stupidly. She starts to jack me off. Unsatisfied with the amount of lubrication from her spit, she stares me dead in the eyes as she reaches between her thighs, under the leggings and scoops against her pussy and then grabs my cock. Speechless at this point I gape at her as she starts to jack me off with the most natural/unnatural lube I've ever experienced during an HJ. Noticing my dumbfounded look she smirks and replies "Hope you don't mind, I had to improvise. Don't want you chafed for later."
She continues to alternately suck, jerk, and juice-scoop her pussy to bring me closer and closer to climax. I pulled down her top and started sucking on her tits. The previews wind down but she is intent on the job at hand and doesn't notice. A loud SLURPPP punctures the sudden silence before the movie begins and we both freeze. Her leaning over me, cock in mouth while I'm staring down to see if anyone notices anything. NOTHING. She slowly continues her trifecta of scoop, jerk, suck, repeat. Ticking me closer and closer to exploding. I'm thanking Hollywood for opening the movie with 15 minutes of machine guns and a screeching car chase as she cant help match intensity and pace to the action scene she can't even see. Just unconsciously bobbing her head and moving to the beat of a MAC-10. THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME. She edges me closer and closer till right when I'm about to explode PAUL WALKER emerges from cover and in a salvo of bullets shoots to kill as I explode shooting my whole clip into her mouth pace for pace with the movie. 4D never felt so immersive as I give a full gun salute to a fallen cinema hero's last movie. Valar Morghulis. ALL MEN MUST DIE. I've never felt more manly or American. I can't think of a better tribute. Until I see movement out of the corner of my eye and see the 2 frat bros in the row below giving me a thumbs up from across the theater. YES. I AM THE MAN. I send the thumbs up back.
...
Mid movie she wants more. I've been jellyfish for about 15 minutes. Post-gasm-fog still shrouding my brain so I can't comprehend fully the logistics she is whispering in my ear on how I can fuck her. I shake out of it and nut up. She moves in front of me, pulls down her leggings and tilts the back of her skirt over her ass. She's dripping. She reaches back for my D and wants it. BAD. I look around to check if the coast is clear. But at this point the wrong head is screaming FUCK IT. I proceed to fuck her doggy-style over the back row of the seats as she barely attempts to stifle moans as I pound into her from behind. Machine Guns continue and honestly that's the only thing you can fucking hear. Unreal. This movie was perfect.
I fuck her until she climaxes and she gushes all over my DICK. HOUSTON WE HAVE A SQUIRTER. We ride out the rest of a semi-shitty translation of a film in a dopamine haze of sex and paranoia. Our Adrenals were fucked.
FIN.
This wraps intermission of my TINDER win in the KINK-LOTTO.
Previews of ACT II:
"I've never been so respectfully pounded."
TL;DR 21 Cum salute to fallen cinema hero due to public Beej from a nubile teacher of children 10/10
EDIT: THANKS Y'ALL FOR THE REDDIT GOLD! :D Glad for the positive response. The rest of the story is in the comments below! cheers!



ACT II:
FIN.
The film ends. Cuts to black. Flicks blue then blank. We make sure we are the last couple leaving the theater because we look like Hurricane Evacuees. Disheveled. Soaked. She nuzzles into me as we just lounge back waiting for people to leave so we can collect ourselves and make our way down the stairs. She says "That was much easier to get away with than I thought!" and looking down at my crotch says " I can't wait for round 2 later. I just can't get enough! I'm starving." I go "For food or sex?" "Both" We laugh and she asks if anyone saw her fucking or sucking because she honestly couldn't see anything the whole time. My eyes dart towards the FratBros and say "I think the guys below us saw during the BJ but I was eyeballing them the rest of the time and not one peep. NADA."
People continue to file out and now she is nervous because FratBros are taking their sweet ass time to be the last to leave the theater. Of cose. They have to walk across their row and past us to get out. Shes shyly eyeing them and I'm full cheesing JOHNNY SHINING style. Chanting BE COOL BE COOL. They shuffle passed and just a little synchronized sideways stare is all we get out of them. She lets out a sigh of relief. a little laugh. "I'm glad they saw; I like being bad." My heart DUNGEON DROPPED as I wondered what exactly that meant and about all the possibilities of ROUND 2. I honestly would have BRO-FISTED both of them I was so pumped.
But now with the task of getting out of the theater and down to her SUV seemed like MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. Standing up, my legs were jelly and my pants are soaked in spots with who knows what. It was VIETNAM in that theater. Barely could discern the details but just know we ended up FUCKED. Gotta make it to the car. ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN. One at a time. then ONE GIANT FUCKFEST FOR MANKIND. I can do this.
We make it out of the theater and as we get to the lobby it hits me that I don't know when ROUND 2 is going to begin but this is my best chance to drain-the-main-vein because I have to piss like a motherfucker after the most intense ACTION movie of my life.
[relevant aside]
A little background to our TINDERELLA. Not only is TINDERGARTEN apparently a freak, but she told me when we were texting before the "date" that she was also BI. Now I thought she was just being sexy for the sake of playing to male fantasy and talking a big sexting game. But no she legitimately dated women. As in she had only been with a few other guys and much preferred dildos, strap-ons and TRIBBING. Now as a fully functioning RED-BLOODED AMERICAN MALE this gave me pause. WTF is tribbing? Wikipedia Wilson gave me the answer. OF COURSE! SCISSOR me timbers! scissoring. Now if that wasn't the hottest conversation to embark upon during sexting and titpics. I ask her what the tribbing is and to describe that for me. GOOD FUCKING CALL CINEDEPHILER. GOOD FUCKING CALL. Apparently the PERFECT way to scissor is in a bed with 2 of those upright armrest "study pillows" from Bed Bath and Beyond or whatever your favorite pillow supple store is and to set them up opposite each other. Then use those to prop up against and use as something to push against as the two chicks focal grind their pussy's like they are trying to create fucking fire. PROMETHEUS be damned. They don't need no man. After thinking about this with a huge hard-on, she wryly added "why do you think Girl's experiment so much in college AND why those upright pillows are included in EVERY dorm-kit-must-have-list." Now I generally don't believe in coincidences, but son of bitch! A PUSSY CONSPIRACY? This is too perfect. Thank you Corporate Lesbianic Gods; Dionysus you must be their KING. I mean 1000 count Grecian Cotton sheet supply store and sexual corruption sounds right up His furry little alley.
[ENTER BATHROOM]
I strut into the the theater bathroom like the fucking TERMINATOR. I am a GOLDEN GOD and I just reek of sex. This is shaping up to be a fantastic day. I pull up to the urinal, unzip and let loose. As I feel the weight of a full bladder slowly deflate I glance down and just stop. Dumbfounded staring at my cock. My DARTH HELMET is FUCKING spotted with purplish-blackblue spots. A fucking half-painted CAMO DARTH VADER COS-PLAY abomination. So confused I actually clenched and stopped pissing unleashing the pain of a THOUSAND SEARING SUNS in my URETHRA. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY DICK. HOLY FUCK. DID I BREAK MY DICK! OH MY GOD. DO I NEED A HOSPITAL?!
I panic.
Frozen in shock, terror, and sadness. Man down.
My one-eyed purple people eater was purple. And he had a fucking BLACK EYE. I have been chafed after sex. I have had teeth scrapes from an inexperienced frosty-sorosty cheese-grater. I have EVEN bruised my dick on the shaft before from a certain intense KUNG-FOO-FIVE-FINGER-DEATH GRIP whack off session. But my dick has never looked like it went 10 rounds with MIKE 'FUCKING' TYSON. What. The. Fuck. Happened.
I calm down and assess the situation as I continue to pee. Well my dick can pee. So my dick is theoretically still functioning. This is a good sign. I try to inconspicuously peer closer and study my leopard dick. Micro-bruising. When she HOOVERED my dick during one of the intense SLURRPING sessions in the theater she focused directly on the head as I was mid-tribute to PAUL WALKER. At the time everything felt FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Such an intense feeling coupled with the moment I was so jacked up I didn't feel capillaries exploding has she did her best snake-venom sucking technique. No. Only pure, pure PLEASURE-TOWN. But now that I was staring at a dick that resembled ROCKY I-IV my body decided to tell me oh yeah FUCKSTICK your dick hurts.
Thanks Bro.
WHATNOW.COM.
I don't think TINDERGARTEN is in the mood for a spot of spotted dick. Pain I can deal with. Convincing a chick that she didn't suck some Frankenstein penis in a dark movie theater and now in the cold harsh light of day doesn't want anything to do with it even with a twenty and a half foot pole is another matter entirely. I'm in a pickle.
I zip up. Walk towards the sink in a daze and wash up. And gingerly walk out of the bathroom. The GOLDEN GOD just discovered his ACHILLES HEEL. She's waiting in the lobby next to the boutique ice-cream stand and gives me a big mischievous grin. I manage a shifty grin back because we both share such a delicious kinky little secret that only us among all these people know. Though she still doesn't know I have a dark spotted secret of my own. FUCK.
We head out of the theater into a blast of sunlight, humidity, and heat. One step at a time we make it to her SUV and we climb in. She immediately turns to me with the biggest grin just plastered cheek to cheek and gushes "THAT WAS SO HOT! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT AWAY WITH THAT!" she leans in for a kiss before buckling up and whispers "You are SO fucking sexy. I can't wait to have more of your Dick later." Perfect.
I kiss her back and say "I can't wait either though I might need some time to recover from that Blow-job. That was pretty intense!"
"Oh you liked that? I have such an oral-fixation. I love to suck things" She winks at me.
"Yeah! I thought it was so hot how you attacked me with all that enthusiasm!" not much experience with guys. This revelation murkily sway through my head and I blurted out "Well damn. You give a pretty amazing head for someone who has only dated women this past year. I'm impressed!" and in pain.
"Well a warm cock in your mouth is much hotter than a strap-on. I loved how different it felt and tasted. Better than the last girl's glass dildo."
OHHHHHHHHHHH [KEVIN HART voice in my head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLlErN22r18&feature=kp ]
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
"oh! haha yeah you were a little rough" HUGE FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT.
A look of concern flickers through her eyes. fuck. Did I just Fuck up?
"Was it bad?!"
"No, no, no! In fact that was the most intense orgasm from a BJ i've ever head. Its just that ummmmmmm. [moment of truth] I'm a tad bruised."
The silence is deafening.
"I mean it doesn't hurt! I just don't want you to freak out when we fuck later." Hail MARY full of grace let me fuck again today.
She slowly smiles as the concern fades from her eyes. "I'll be more gentle then" she throws the SUV into reverse.
TOUCHDOWWNNNN!! crisis adverted.



...
Food break for refueling. Nice little Pizza joint on the river of an upscale Town Center. Exploring through some mural-ed tunnels as we walk along the river and dusk settles. We make out and we both are getting increasingly horny. I am thankful for the night so my purple-hearted wounded warrior wont be as noticeable.
she says "lets go back to my SUV have the PERFECT place in mind where we can lay the seats flat and fuck like animals."
...
This perfect places turns out to be the church parking lot of a summer camp attached to the property of the upscale townships country club. as if CADDYSHACK met JASON VORHEES at CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE and fucked like porn stars.
We park in between some street lamps at the back of the parking lot nestled between a deserted park lot and the wood land of the surrounding camp/country club.
We get it on. We both jump into the back of her SUV. With the seats down, it's HUGE. The size of a double bed. Our clothes tornado all over the entire back of the SUV. I immediately want to go down on her. Give some oral reciprocation for the ACTION JACKSON BLOWJAY she gave me in the theater. I kiss down her thighs as she lays back, spread eagle, completely naked over the bent over middle seat. Her head resting on the center console perfectly nestled between the arm rests of the 2 front seats. Shes locked and loaded and when I hit her pussy Its like a fucking water RODEO. She is sopping wet and delicious. and every stroke of my tongue makes her buck her hips against my face and just moan. I continue to lick and nibble and flick and kiss bringing her closer and closer to climax as she gets louder and wetter until in one simultaneous motion she grabs my hair and pulls my face towards her pussy, burying my tongue deep inside her as she gushes all over my face. HOUSTON WE HAVE A SQUIRTER. AGAIN.
I am so turned on and rock hard. This girl is AMAZING. She is shaking and pulsing below me. Her pussy just glistening in the half reflected light bleeding through her murdered out tinted windows and the open moonroof above. If this is heaven, I'll take it. I'm sure I am staring down at her like an idiot when she says "I want your cock inside me, now."
I don't need any more invitation. Thoughts of bruised and swollen man-hood are gone. When a chick like that gives you a command, you do it or die trying.
I grab a nifty Lifestyles SKYN condom out of my pants. Gold wrapper like a magnum thinner than atoms. Fucking feels cosmic on your cock.
I slam into her without even meaning to because she is SO fucking wet. We water wrestle all over the back of her SUV from position to position finally ending with me HELMS DEEP inside her climaxing over and over as my eyes glaze over staring at her bouncing tits. I can feel her pulsing around me and it is amazing.
We lay back next to each other. splayed out wet and sweaty and exhausted in the back of her SUV. just listening to the night sounds and content.
She starts to slowly touch herself and lean up on an arm and stare at me dead in the eyes and slowly and directly says the most beautiful 8 words I have ever heard in my life "You can do anything you want to me."
I pause a beat "Anything?"
Mischievous grin "anything."
Fireworks explode in my brain spelling out ANAL.
That means ANAL.
the rational part of my brain whispers that that idea sounds logistically difficult and potentially messy in the back of this at this point steaming, cramped SUV. The rational part of my brain proceeds to second guess himself and punch himself repeatedly in the nuts and say FUCK IT. WWPWD? Obviously Anal.
I say "spin over I know you have been wanting it all night."
She turns around and sticks her ass up high in a downward facing dog position and proceeds to look back at me and grin and begin to do the same pussy-scooping technique from the the theater except this time lubing up my cock and then massaging and lubing her asshole.
"Just start slow"
I. CAN'T. FUCKING. BELIEVE. THIS. IS HAPPENING.
I assume the position where because of the gap between the two rows of seats she is elevated a good 6 inches above my feet so that when I crouch down into a squat position I am perfectly angled to use a slow-decelerated controlled descending squat to slowly and ever so lovingly micro insert myself in her ass. I have never experience the perfect form-fitting body meld that occurred but because of the crazy angle and the ability to hold all of my weight in the squat position I was able to deliciously millimeter descend into her asshole until i was hilt deep and she was quivering and moaning every second of the way there. Almost indescribable pleasure as finally she loosened up to allow me to do the best feeling squat workout as I DUNGEON DROPPED in and out of her ass until we both climaxed again in an earth shatter pile. Just one contorted ball of sweat and cum I pulled out with a satisfying pop as i passed the BALLOON KNOT and we just lay there quivering and fucked. Circuits fried and systems halted and caught fire. System shut down engaged.
I am still laying there, eyes half shut when I feel her stir and can hear a rising panic in her voice as she goes "OH FUCK FUCK FUCK who is that?!"
I prop up on an elbow and look out the middle window and a tiny little golf cart with a shitty blue and yellow LED swirling dome light is approaching the SUV.
FUCK. who is that? maybe they will go away.
The cart gets closer and closer until it stops right next to the side of the SUV. A hefty blob rolls out of the cart and the guy who ate the TEXAS RANGER grabs a flashlight on his belt and starts shining it at the SUV trying to peer inside. We freeze and play possum. I can hear him call out "Hellowww anyone thereee?" as TINDERGARTEN continues mumbling OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO over and over getting louder and panicky as he gets closer to the window. I shush her and point to the open moonroof and say "he'll hear you!" She snaps her mouth shut and I confidently, mostly to convince myself, say to her "He can't see us through the Tint. Maybe he'll go away." He leans in and repeats "Hellowww anyone thereee?" as he shields his eyes and shines his light through the middle window directly at us. Sprawled bare ass naked below him. We play dead.
I crack an eye and squint up at his face, past his MAGNUM P.I. 'stache and into his beady little eyes. I stare waiting to see a flicker of recognition that he sees my bare white ass illuminated under his flashlight or hoping. praying that the tint holds up. Nothing. My FEAR BONER is strong. TINDERGARTEN is a broken "I can't get arrested" record on repeat.
HOLLLDDD! [300 BATTLE HOLD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnxlhajOolw&t=1m48s ]
He slowly backs away and 'STACHE enters his golfcart. Pulls an interminably long 15-point K-Turn and starts to drive away. Only to circle around and park directly behind the SUV. FUCK! I sit up. He's blocking us in.
He pulls out a notepad and scribbles down the license plate and grabs his radio and radios something in.
STEADYYY!
We keep playing possum.
He starts his cart, turns around and begins to drive off.
WE HAVE A WINDOW! TINDERGARTEN and I explode into action. We scrub the mission. We need to GTFO of there. ASAP. She's panicking
I tell her to put on her clothes an we need to get the fuck out of there. She can't get her clothes together.
She says "I'll drive like this!!!"
I stare at her tits. "You can't drive TOLO"
She gapes at me "tits out legs open" Her brain does not compute.
"Move! I'll drive!"
I slam my briefs on and my pants. Rip the belt off like ZORRO because ain't nobody got time for that shit. Fucking base jump jellyfish over the console and eel slide down the seat right into driving position. Move her heels out from under the pedals and slam that bitch into R. And Fucking floor it. I whip through the back-lot and onto the main country club road. I turn right by the golf cart as it was turning into the lot next to the clubhouse. 'STACHE spins a U-ey and lights us up with his little dome light. I throw a thumbs-up through the moonroof and just let out a burst of laughter. Tension screeching out of an over-inflated balloon.
TINDERGARTEN is still in shock. Though naked and buckled in as I weave through the country club roads. Safety first.
I slow down as I near the exit, put my blinker on as I turn onto the main road. See the flashing blue and yellow of 'STACHE fading into the distance behind a wall of trees. Then as I turn to look forward I pass by an Cop car rolling towards the Country Club. Fuck.
I keep going and we pass right by each other. I keep rolling and once he turns into the club I book it! TINDERGARTEN has snapped out of her fugue and is directing me down side streets as she struggles to contain her bouncing tits in her shirt as I whip lefts and rights as fast as possible to put as my distance between us and the Police.



...
We find a safe spot and just laugh the tension away. I mean deep real belly laughs. Of HOLY FUCK THAT WAS CLOSE.
I say whats the big deal though, it's not like we are underage, they can't call our parents for having underage sex. She stares at me.
"it's illegal to have sex in your car."
My eyes get wide. " No fucking way! I was so cavalier back there!"
"Uh yes you were"
I don't believe her so I look it up.
Wikipedia Wilson to the rescue.
I read to her:
"According to Texas Penal Code 21.07 Public Lewdness - " a person commits an offense if he knowingly engages in any of the following acts in a public place, and if not in a public place, is reckless about whether another will be alarmed or offended by his act: of sexual intercourse, deviate sexual intercourse, sexual contact, or act involving contact between the person's mouth or genitals and the anus or genitals of an animal or fowl."
"Yep. told you so. wait fowl?"
"Holy shit! We just broke like 2 sex laws! SUV ANAL. BIG NO NO."
"why do you think I was freaking out!"
"FOWL? wtf. That means someone in TEXAS fucked a duck or something."
Well. TIL.
...
I drive us back to the mall where I left my truck. I get out still shirtless and scavenger hunt for the rest of my clothes around her SUV.
TINDERGARTEN thanks me for the overall amazing evening with a little nibble on my neck and kiss on the lips. Then says "I have never been so respectfully pounded." winks and gets in her SUV and drives off.
I stand there in the deserted mall parking lot. Plastic bags blow like tumble weeds. I look up at the brightening sky and revel in the moment. Then I get in my truck, crack a window, slam on some tunes - more chill appropriate for the long drive and contemplation of what the FUCK ALL just went down. Reach for the BAJA BLAST and sip the thin watery blue remnants as I drive off across HOUSTON into the rising sun.
I made it home alive and wired and with probably the best tinder story I will ever have. But no arrests, no diseases and a lot of memories. Can't beat it.

TL;DR DICK COSPLAY, DOUBLE SECRET ILLEGAL SEX, and BAJA BLAST SUNRISE



Salsa: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co...oodbad_hookup/

non lo leggerei neanche in italiano :asd:

Ho
letto
tutto
:sisi:

confido in cesarino, che leggerà tutto tuttissimo

beati you che sapete l' inglish.

tl;dr

ma che è sto wot?

shincosa, sei tu?

sevabbe'... non saremo tutti dei pastaxari ma anch'io c'ho di meglio da fare che leggere sto wot totale :asd:

challengeaccepted.png

houston we have a squirter.

Citazione:

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Originariamente Scritto da dadone

sevabbe'... non saremo tutti dei pastaxari ma anch'io c'ho di meglio da fare che leggere sto wot totale :asd:

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non hai un quarto d'ora da buttare il 20 agosto alle 3 di pomeriggio? :asd:

siete la peggio italia :snob:


leggetelo su reddit che sembra meno wot

è PAZZESCHISSIMO, merita davvero.
Leggetelo regà, altrochè i racconti di cesarì.

spettacolo :rotfl:

Letto, was not that amused

Che storia. C'è tutto. Ora però il feel aumenta: sul mio cellulare tinder non funziona :bua:

stasera leggo :snob:

vediamo a fino a che punto posso copypastare sul traduttore di gogle...

Incredibile :asd:

Citazione:

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Originariamente Scritto da Necronomicon

Che storia. C'è tutto. Ora però il feel aumenta: sul mio cellulare tinder non funziona :bua:

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meglio così, potrebbe andarti come a questo tizio :asd:


Started flirting with this one girl. Eventually got her number and she texted me on a daily basis. After two weeks of getting to know each other she asks me to be her date at a super bowl party. Sounded fun to me so I thought "why not".
She said party was at 5 but she wanted to come over around 330 even though it was a ten minute ride there. Totally figured she wanted to hook up first so I totally prepared myself for that. She shows up, I invite her in and I ask "how long before we have to leave?" she says it already started so we have to leave now. I thought that was weird but I got in the car and drove there with blue balls the whole way. It was at a restaurant she worked at and it was an employees and dates party. When we get there it pretty much hasn't started. Big surprise. We talk for about an hour and get to know each other but it's painful because she's so shy. It was open bar but she doesn't drink so I resisted the temptation.
Eventually her coworkers come and I meet them. She told me one of them was an ex. It didn't really bother me. They seemed like good guys. A little on the scummy side though. They all looked like shaggy from Scooby-Doo. They're all about 22 and have a kid or two and have low income jobs.
Eventually they convince her to drink. One sip becomes a whole drink and one drink becomes three. She is really drunk but still being kinda flirty. I didn't drink anything and played it on the safe side because I was driving. The plan was to leave halfway through and go to a house party. So I drive her and her coworkers there. What a horrible idea. We get there and it's one of the shittiest places I've ever seen. There was a 75 year old man playing Madden instead of watching the super bowl. There was kids running around while people were doing various drugs and talking about selling Crack along with pregnant women drinking.
Little uncomfortable but fuck it. We all play a drinking game and then the girl goes to go to the bathroom down the hall. About 3 minutes later two of the coworkers go down the hall to the porch to smoke. About ten minutes goes by and her ex gets up to go see if the bathrooms open. He comes back and lays this on me: "John.... Uhh.... Jen is getting fucked by both those guys right now. Don't go in the bathroom".
I was absolutely stunned. I had no idea what to do. I sat there and just watched the super bowl. 5 minutes later she comes out literally pulling her pants up. She completely ignores me and continues playing. 5 minutes go by and she goes to smoke weed with another guy. One guy goes to check and comes back to let me know "Yeah sorry man she's fucking him now too". The guys at the table start saying how nice a guy I am and that it sucks that I'm her date and she's fucked three guys. Then they start getting weird. They start whispering about me and pointing at me. Was entirely sure either was going to get my ass kicked. She comes back I tell her were leaving in 5. One guy at the table stops me and says "Wait! She's already fucked Tim, Bill, and Mark, I figured me and Mike could get a go and you can have her the rest of the night!"
What. The. Fuck. I left immediately with her. Unfortunately her cars at my place. She kept saying the whole car ride that she hates it when this happens and this is why she doesn't drink. Took the long way home because I knew she was drunk. She tried to prove she wasn't by slapping herself and then saying "I'm not drunk, I see the three yellow lines in the road. I know there's only two but that's how I know I'm sober". Tell her to stay for an hour knowing I could prolong it so she can sober up. She throws a hiss fit that her phones dead and her parents are looking for her. She says she has to drive home immediately. Get home. Say "K bye". She apologies and leaves saying she'll see me soon. Never talk to her again. She posts on Facebook for three weeks about how bad she fucked up, how her coworkers don't take her seriously, and how she has to move because of it. "oh".
Tl;dr: went on date with girl, went to a drug house, she fucked three dudes and wouldn't look at me.
Edit: thanks for the gold! The important part is I now have this "fantastic" story!

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Originariamente Scritto da tigerwoods

meglio così, potrebbe andarti come a questo tizio :asd:
cut...

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Diogesù benedetto...

letto tutto 3 volte per non mancare nulla

Mi fate un riassunto di massimo di 40 parole?

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Originariamente Scritto da Donzo

Mi fate un riassunto di massimo di 40 parole?

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nel primo racconto l'op scopa, nel secondo no.
9 parole, grasso che cola

Scopata multi orgasmica, multi squirtica, iniziata al cinema e proseguita nel suv.

Letto 10 righe, dico solo "ESE"

Mi si è inchiodato tapatalk quando ho aperto questo thread

Inviato dal mio Nexus 7

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Originariamente Scritto da Overtone

Letto 10 righe, dico solo "ESE"

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLlErN22r18

La parte in cui descrive lo sforbiciamento è PAZZESCA :rotfl:

C a p o l a v o r o ! ! !

2 0 / 1 0

Ahah la parte del cinema me la ricordo :asd:
God Bless Paul Walker

Non sapevo della parte 2, dopo leggo :snob:

riassunto o almeno traduzione in IT?

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Originariamente Scritto da CapitanSkywolf

riassunto o almeno traduzione in IT?

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sei sempre più statale, sky

letto :rotfl:

tutti che scaricano tinder :rotfl:

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Originariamente Scritto da alberace

letto :rotfl:

tutti che scaricano tinder :rotfl:

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Dici che si rimedia qualcuno pure qui in Italia, e fuori dalle solite città Roma / Milano / Torino?

" Just unconsciously bobbing her head and moving to the beat of a MAC-10. THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME. She edges me closer and closer till right when I'm about to explode PAUL WALKER emerges from cover and in a salvo of bullets shoots to kill as I explode shooting my whole clip into her mouth pace for pace with the movie."

leggerò

:rotfl:

the rational part of my brain whispers that that idea sounds logistically difficult and potentially messy in the back of this at this point steaming, cramped SUV. The rational part of my brain proceeds to second guess himself and punch himself repeatedly in the nuts and say FUCK IT. WWPWD? Obviously Anal.


:rotfl: :rotfl:

WWPWD per cosa sta? What would PW do? :uhm:

con tutta la volontà che posso avere non ce la farò mai a leggere tutta sta roba

nemmeno se fosse tradotto in un video di xnxx