They never told you that adulthood was this fucking lonely
I'm 30, female, divorced, and living in an apartment that is laid out almost EXACTLY the way my very first apartment was, with a roommate. I feel like I have no life, and everyone around me is just ticking along all nice and fine with theirs. I feel like I got sent back to college without the benefit/excuse of being 20 again. All I've got is a better resume, $30k in student debt, and a hell of a lot of emotional scars to show for it.
I feel like I'm rearranging my life and it's not working out so well. I want more friends and people to go out with, but I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. The early-20's unmarried set wants nothing to do with me, and frankly I don't want much to do with them either. Most people in their 30's/early 40's are married or have families, so it feels really weird to try and make friends with those people since we don't have much in common.
I don't know how to make friends with people my own age anymore, and I am SO. FUCKING. LONELY. Dating sucks ass and I feel like every guy I meet is just out for sex, or gunshy as fuck after getting out of his own shitty relationship.
I want kids like crazy, but I don't know if I'll ever have them at this rate. I feel like I should just throw myself into working as much as I can because at least then I'm earning money, and someone is getting some use out of me. I volunteer, and I'm looking at stepping that up. I may as well just work myself into the ground because that's all I'll ever be - a workhorse that just waits patiently for the next sunrise and the next workload, until I'm too old and fragile to work anymore.
In the meantime, I'll watch my friends and siblings raise their happy families and their amazing kids, and I will try not to cry every time I see what amazing lives they've built for themselves.
I have nothing. I am nothing. I am no one.
They never told you that adulthood was this fucking lonely
